Bubba's Junction
Bubba's Junction was a comparatively short-lived but infamous colony of Earth that was among the early planets to be settled by humans in the Fourth Century FE. Named for its founder and first Governor, Colonel Beaufort "Bubba" Lassiter, Bubba's Junction attained a reputation as a galactic hub of debauchery and a major source of shame for the human race before it was ultimately destroyed and all physical records of its existence expunged. All surviving knowledge of the planet has been passed down through oral tradition. Colonel Lassiter in Command Following the successful colonization of Adelphia by humans in 317 FE and Miranda shortly thereafter, Earth's population thirsted for continued space exploration and settlement. The Global Senate announced its plans for the colonization of a small planet known at the time by its scientific designaton J341-A. Colonel Beaufort "Bubba" Lassiter, an unorthodox but popular officer in the Global Space Navy , put in for the right to lead the expedition and the new colony. Lassiter was passed up for command in favor of Major General Montgomery T. Washington, a well-respected leader with advanced degrees in political science, military history, and jurisprudence. Lassiter, who expressed "a strong desire to get the hell off of Earth," accepted an appointment as second-in-command. The mission commenced in 374 FE. Approximately three Earth days after the mission departed, Maj. Gen. Washington died suddenly. Lassiter immediately assumed command and ordered that Washington's body be given a proper space burial, carrying and launching the body himself. The ship's chief medical officer, upon briefly seeing the condition of the body, stated, "It would be impossible to say for sure what the cause of death was here, but it was likely complicated by the multiple stab wounds." Within one Earth year, it was discovered that Colonel Lassiter had fled Earth in an attempt to escape a mounting issue of gambling debt. Too late to reverse course and not wanting to be embarrassed, the Global Senate decided to bury the issue and allow Lassiter to continue in command. To quote then-Prime Minister Nahasa Kawasawimbawole in a private conversation with another senator, "What's the worst that can happen?" Settlement Despite the apparent murder of his commanding officer, Colonel Lassiter remained a popular figure among the crew and colonists. He instituted a number of policies that kept morale high during the journey and had a penchant for throwing a really good dance party. When the mission arrived at its destination, sustainability was achieved quickly thanks to high spirits and the promise of a really good dance party as soon as the first settlement was completed. Of course, a really good dance party ensued. Development While the original charter of the colony had specified that J341-A was to mine rare metals and transport them back to Earth, no such mines existed within five years of the colony's founding. Despite this, "Bubba's Junction" as the colonists had come to calling it, had developed a bustling economy of its own thanks to its other natural resources. Shortly after settlement, colonists discovered a native plant that, after some amateur scientific testing, was found to act as both a powerful aphrodesiac and hallucinogen. Sensing an opportunity for great personal wealth and a dab of adventure, Lassiter declared J341-A independent of Earth and began to cultivate the plant for exportation to the nearby planets Adelphia , Miranda , and others. Lassiter quickly became a galactic drug kingpin, personally overseeing the simultaneous development of Bubba's Junction and its interplanetary supply lines. Destination for Tourism By 400 FE, Bubba's Junction had become a destination for depraved space tourism. It originally attracted smugglers who came to pick up their drug shipments directly from the source and discovered a planet with an extremely high ratio of brothels to inhabitants, a warm-but-not-too-hot year-round climate owing to its unsually circular orbit, and a near endless supply of really good dance parties. Word spread on other planets, and tourists soon followed their drug dealers to Bubba's Junction. The economy boomed, more settlers came, and more brothels were built. Dance parties, of course, were in no short supply. Said the famous Mirandan actress of the time Jessica Valentine , "You couldn't take three steps on Bubba's Junction without crushing millions of sperm beneath your feet. The whole planet smelled like stale urine and rotting trash. I don't know how they managed to build all of those casinos and concert venues when everyone was so busy drinking and fucking all the time. Oh, but they really knew how to throw a great dance party." Death of Bubba and His Junction Bubba Lassiter died on Bubba's Junction in 454 FE, on his 110th birthday. He threw a particularly good dance party to commemorate the occasion and got particularly intoxicated, ultimately drowning in his swimming pool. Lassiter's successor as governor of the planet, his bastard son Bubba Jr., continued to build the empire that his father had begun. In 525 FE, the Solar Union declared that Bubba's Junction would be welcomed into the fold if various reforms were instituted. Governor Junior rejected this offer, famously telling the gathered dignitaries, "Y'all can eat my shit, you sons'a bitches." In 526 FE, a mere 150 years after its founding, the entire planet of Bubba's Junction was vaporized on order of the Solar Union. Legacy Despite history's general frowning upon the mass extinction of planets and races, in this case it is widely regarded as having been a good idea. The entire 150-year history of Bubba's Junction was so embarrassing as to be wiped from the records of the Solar Union, everything from the death of Maj. Gen. Washington to the various scandals that plagued Solar Union government members following visits to the planet. In one of the few recorded instances of a government official admitting to the existence of Bubba's Junction, Solar Union Senator Maxwell Cog said of the planet, "One day, people will talk to each other of Bubba's Junction. And they will say, 'It could not really have been that bad. They could not have deserved it.' But those people will be wrong. I visited the planet multiple times and left with nothing but shame for the human race and a strange burning sensation when I urinate. It's really for the best that it's not there anymore... though I do miss the dance parties. Those guys really knew how to throw a good dance party."